Hazukashii

Welcome to Japan. Everything in this land is going to seem foreign at first, and a lot of things are going to be amazing... or terrible. I don't often write about the negative side of this country because I like to think I am an optimist, but it is more likely that I simply don't feel a lot of negativity in my Japan life. Lucky me? On that note, I experienced something the other day that really honed in a concept about Japanese people, women in particular, that I find both outrageous and heartbreaking.

The word in Japanese is 恥ずかしい (hazukashii) and it translates roughly to 'embarrassing' although the meaning goes a bit deeper in my opinion. You will hear it a lot in this country. Women will complain about feeling hazukashii when their skirts roll the wrong way (although the irony of their ultra-mini skirts as the dark line of their stockings pokes through is not lost on me) and men will ask it of women if parts of their shoulders are showing or they drink alcohol too fast. For a long time I just attributed it to a culture of men having subconscious control over women by implementing in their heads the idea that feeling embarrassed is sexy. You can especially see it in this countries pornography where all the women are featured being practically assaulted by men and crying out, often in mock pain, by the onslaught. I still have trouble wrapping my head around women being so submissive, especially in a field where historically women have been in control, but I realize more and more now that women in this country have learned to use hazukashii to their advantage. Take the example earlier of the women with the VERY short skirt pointing out how embarrassed she feels while she readjusts. This clearly only draws attention to her choice of apparel and thus brings all eyes to the assets she is co blatantly trying to flaunt. Power to her! Use what womanly strength you have to overcome the disadvantages you are given because of your sex.

But there is a lot of negativity that comes from this image, especially when it comes to children. This idea of 'embarrassment' has pervaded not just through men to women, but has existed so long that women, mothers, older sisters and friends will ask it of one another without a second thought. 'Aren't you embarrassed?' becomes more an off collar greeting than a serious discussion and people are constantly thinking of ways to hide themselves (aside from those who have figured out the ins and outs of the system). This leaves us with a culture of people who feel uncomfortable both with their bodies, and with those of other people. The outrageous contradiction between this sentiment and their fully naked public bathing culture is best left to another day.

The point I am trying to focus your attention on is a solid example of this hazukashii culture that I experienced with some of my students the other day. Now I do not have particularly high self confidence but I am comfortable with my body most of the time (which is very lucky, I know) and when I am in my one piece for swimming in a lap pool, I am in my element. Participating in swim teams my whole life has left me with an immunity to paranoia in a one piece and instead puts me on a very comfortable level, especially once I get going in the water (I am like a fish!).  So when I was invited to join my students for swim class I grabbed my one piece and a board shirt cover up (so no one had to worry about my tattoo) and jumped right on outside. The teachers all exclaimed how weird it was to see legs (most of them wear shorts over their swimsuits) and to make sure my apparel was appropriate I asked the vice principal. Approval came without a second thought and thinking nothing more of the matter I went outside to join the students.

Immediately I was confronted with 2 fourth grade girls who asked me directly 'aren't you embarrassed?', pointing to my exposed legs. I looked around and noticed that all of them were wearing shorts and a board shirt over their swimsuits. Now I am no stranger to adolescent self-esteem issues, having been around the block on every end of the spectrum between my sister and I, so I can understand when a young girl feels uncomfortable about her body. But I don't ever remember feeling that way as a nine year old child. Nor do I recall anyone else around me expressing that sentiment from such a young age.

I am aware that times are changing and even back in America children as young as 7 and 8 are beginning to feel and understand body issues in a negative way, but hear me out for a moment before you bring that up. These two girls, who in my opinion are at the androgynous age of children until they reach puberty (with boys and girls differing only in society's display of their sex via color preference and toy choice) not only felt uncomfortable about their own bodies, but felt those feelings strongly enough about the bodies around them not only to feel uncomfortable about my legs, but enough so to comment on it to me. Completely taken aback, I explained that we are all human and that we all have the same parts, especially being that we are the same sex.  I also said they would very soon have the exact SAME body as me, in terms of woman bits and thus, why should I feel embarrassed?

Catching them equally off guard, they thought for a moment about what I said then walked away. I was not confronted further about the subject, but it stayed with me for the rest of the day and into today as well. My first thought was, 'how sad?' Memories of my own struggle with my body throughout childhood and the stress it caused me and those around me surfaced unexpectedly. All I could think was, who would put a child through that stress at such an early age? Surely the idea of embarrassment and the urge to hide your body is completely influenced by society, because if you look at the case of feral children and those people raised in small tribes, they do not feel sensitive about bodies in the same way those of us from the first world do, if they feel any sensitivity at all. Thus I am drawn to the conclusion that these children were taught, for who knows how long, to be hyper-aware of their own bodies and those of the people around them - and to feel ashamed of that awareness. That in itself is heartbreaking to me. Causing the undue stress on a child in terms of their body image, and multiplying that two fold to include feelings towards the people around them seems a cruel and sad fate for a child.

I spoke earlier to the school nurse at my middle school about the experience, thinking perhaps it is a cultural difference that I am unable to comprehend this concept or overcome my negativity towards it. She listened to all I said and then looked at me with very sad eyes while she processed my thoughts on the matter. Once she was ready to shed some light on the matter, she came to same conclusion that I have. That these children are being subjected much to soon to a culture of anxiety that they are going to inevitably become a part of in the near future. And she agreed that it is heartbreaking. She also said she would think on it more and wants to hear my opinion on other matters I observe in her country as well. Interesting.

I would love to hear what you think. Love.